Ooooh that smell....

You know the Lynyrd Skynyrd song, "That Smell"? Well, right now, I feel a huge pull toward that song. It's swimming in my head at the moment. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking positively. That's why I like you. You're not a sarcastic curmudgeon like myself. But no, this is not a "positive" smell. No baked cookies or puppy breath. Not at all.

Let me start off with a list, a picture list if you will, since it's prettier to look at. Then I'll get to my point. As I was smelling "the smell" tonight, I went over this list with Aaron. I asked him, "Honey, I'm a good girlfriend, right? I put up with a lot of things other girls wouldn't, right?" "Why would you do this to me?" And the list begins:



See, there was this bear head from a black bear. It ended up in the house. Of course everyone knows that in order to get the flesh off of a black bear skull you have to boil it my canning/crab pot. Then you leave for a couple of hours and your girlfriend is in the house, smelling cooked bear meat until you come home, late. And the whole house reeks of it. Did I mention how much it smelled? But the girlfriend definitely shouldn't turn the stove off since it might not be finished and if it isn't, it may have to be done again. Please, no.


There is currently a dead (by natural causes I believe) cardinal in my freezer, in a plastic bag. What kind of woman has a dead cardinal in her freezer? The kind whose boyfriend wants to commemorate the bird's life by stuffing it. There are also other random plastic bags in my freezer as well. They are shaped like animal heads. I would advise you not to look in them.


After the bear head had been partially worked on, meaning that it was worked to the bone, the brains had to be taken out. Of course this happened to take place in our living room. I was watching a movie with a friend and I got up to get a glass of wine. Lo and behold, there are bear brains stuck to the bottoms of my bare feet. lovely.


One of the skulls. I have to say they do turn out well. But they are all over the house. Maybe next we can start collecting ears or fingers, just for a little diversity?


Ahh..soap. See, this looks harmless. But lets say you want to make natural soap...with natural boar fat. You boil it down, for hours, so that the air in the house is literally heavy with it. Then you can't find the lye you need to finish it off. Ah...let's just set it outside....for about 2 weeks...in your girlfriends beloved canning/crab pot. Until one day, your girlfriend says that maybe, until you find some lye, you should throw this batch out. You agree. You throw it away on the side of the tree next door, for the raccoons to eat. Then you let your dogs out to use the bathroom. The next day, your girlfriend comes home and discovers boar-fat-dog-vomit all over the house. Seriously. Not a room was spared. And you could actually tell where one of the girls had thrown up and the other had eaten the throw up and then thrown up herself. Good times.

And finally, tonight's piece de resistance!



That's right folks: skunk. Some poor skunk got hit by a car, ended up in my car, then in my yard; the lovely smell of skunk wafting through my house, on Aaron's clothes, skin, etc. I cannot get it out of my nose. Aaron has been banned from the house until he washes the clothes he's wearing and himself. Twice.

I remind myself sometimes that I moved to Texas of my own free will.